erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
