I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
