I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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