if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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