The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
tell me about the eggs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
