All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
