Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
