it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
