$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
