I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize