Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
