So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
