Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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