Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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