I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
