Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
