Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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