do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize