I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
