We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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