at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
