Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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