Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
