HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
