So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
