I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
