Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
