today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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