i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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