ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
