No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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