you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
