the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
