walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
