My cat gives me a boner
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
