Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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