But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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