Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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