i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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