My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to have your abortion
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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