Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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