Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize