I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
