i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
