So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
