my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
