dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize