I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
wow bdsm is so cute
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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