Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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