i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
