my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
