I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
