you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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