Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
