I wish I could punch you in the face.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
