atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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