Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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