Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
