What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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