i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
