He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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