he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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