Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
