does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
