now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
