good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone signed my nipple.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
