Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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