it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
