What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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