my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
