I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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