Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
