You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
