Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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