Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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