Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
