i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
