just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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