So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
